I just moved half way across the country. I left my brick and mortar businesses (in good hands), my friends, and my home and started a new adventure. It’s been exciting and fun, and stressful and hard.
After years of self inquiry and personal development I have fairly well trained my mind to focus on the positive, be present, and tune out quite a bit of my mental chatter. However, after months of being completely uprooted and thrown into the unknown I realized I was being a real jerk… to myself.
I was negating my accomplishments, comparing myself to other people, and focusing on my weaknesses instead of my strengths. Seriously, if I treated anyone else in my life like that they’d make a voodoo doll of me and stick pins in it!
As soon as I became aware of my internal conversation I was horrified, which sent me down another spiral of self-deprecation until I decided to do something about it. So I did. I did what any good self-aware lady would do: I meditated, I read a personal development book, I journaled, I tried to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts: “I feel great,” “This is fun,” “I’m on the right path…”
Did it work? Well - kinda. It helped, but there was still quite a bit of comparison hangover going on and when the sun went down I found myself still talking smack about my body, my life, and my capabilities. Damn.
It felt like an impossible place to escape.
Then it happened. I decided to get fierce!
Often, we can move out of a funk using softer techniques like acceptance, fully allowing, and focusing on the present. But, this was a time where I had to whip out the cleaver and get intensely dedicated to protecting myself… from myself.
I was over-trying to not have those thoughts, to push them away. Instead, when they arose, I imagined using my mad ninja skills to slice through them. Not a fight, an assassination!
When I would stray into my comparison “research,” I would lovingly and firmly escort myself into safer territory, just like I would do for my child. I created boundaries. Firm boundaries.
What happened? My negative thoughts ran off like scared little pirates. Every once in a while they float back to see what kind of pillaging they can do – but they are met with my swift and sharp cleaver.
Not only am I feeling a lot better, I feel well equipped.
Want to join me? Want to protect yourself from the pirates of your mind?
Here are three steps to becoming fierce:
1. Sharpen your weapon. I like the visual of a meat cleaver, I don’t know why – it just feels badass. It gets sharpened through use. You have to practice relentlessly. Every time you hear the thump of a pirate-thought’s wooden leg you have to be swift and clean in your attack. Even if this happens every 30 seconds in the beginning – I promise it will get easier.
2. Enforce boundaries. If you have triggers, like a competitor’s website or People magazine – don’t go there! You don’t jump on a pirate ship unarmed and just hope for the best. Let the ship sail. If you find yourself boarding, stop yourself like you would a young child – calm, firm, and with an unwavering “no.”
3. Non-negotiable happiness. You have to commit to making your happiness and mental health non-negotiable. You are in charge, you are the caretaker, you are the protector of yourself. Do it well.
I’d love to hear from you what you do to get fierce. In the comments below please share your tips or tricks to bring out your inner peace ninja.
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About the Author
This article was written by Briana Borten, a peace-igniter who is on a mission to create a more peaceful world through more peaceful individuals. Briana really pushes our Bella Beauties to dig deep with their biggest questions in life and leave no internal wound unturned. Going through a challenging time? Leave a question or comment below and Briana will be happy to guide you through it with loads of love along the way. To learn more about Briana Borten or to connect with her further, visit her Bella Life profile here.