In a recent interview, I was asked what I do to build my confidence. After all, leaders and successful people are confident, right? We trust confidence. When people exude a calm self-assuredness, we want to follow them. We want to hear what they have to say.
Yes, it is generally understood that if we feel confident, it changes our outer world. But it seems to change our inner world, too. Confident people tend to walk taller and speak with more clarity and certainty. They seem happier.
It’s very easy to relate a person’s confidence to their circumstances: their physical appearance, fabulous boyfriend, great teeth and beautiful singing voice. I’m sure if you took a moment, though, you could think of someone you know who exudes confidence and does not have the “perfect” life. (more…) read more →
Every entrepreneur wants their business to “work”. When it works, it provides us with money to pay our bills, buy us plane tickets for wonderful sunny getaways and take us out for dinner. It may provide us with a sense of purpose and meaning, a warm fuzzy feeling of “doing the right work”, and a sense of pride every time we say “I own my own business”.
It makes perfect sense.
When I was starting out as a full-time coach, I had no “job” – my business was my job. I needed my business to bring in enough money to support my life. Not to mention, I left my day job so I could do something that gave me a sense of freedom, fulfilled me and felt meaningful. Furthermore, my entire identity was wrapped up in being an entrerpreneur. I was terrified of failure (“What if I fail and have to admit it to everyone?! Then what will I do?”). There was was a lot riding on my business.
Little did I know I was setting myself up for a difficult road.
When you haven’t grown your business up yet, but feel that your life depends on your business (like I did), your relationship with your business is sideways. If that is the case, you likely feel overwhelmed, stuck and frustrated. You may feel like you are spinning your wheels – mega output but limited input (lotsa work but lack o’ cash and fulfillment). Familiar? Yes, me too. Read on…
Before you’ve grown your business to a place of sustainability, your business is essentially a baby. Your job as the “parent” of your business is to take care of this little one, not the other way around.
The first few years of business – until you become sustainable – is about the hustle. You’re researching your market, testing pricing and marketing, clarifying offerings, building a reputation and deciding how you want this baby to behave. Like being a new parent, it’s a big job. In these formative years, it’s imperative to stay open to learning everything you can about your business baby, because while you’re growing your “baby” up, you’re also getting to know it.
If your relationship with your business is healthy, it will start with a clear understanding that you’re the Mommy. If that’s clear, you’ll be more open; more receptive. The more open you are, the more you’ll be able to make smart, clear decisions.
The more open you are, the more you’ll be able to gauge exactly what’s needed.
Eventually, your business will be grown-up and it will be able to take care of you more. You’ll know it’s grown up when you can step away from it and it still keeps running. But until then, it’s by no means ready to take care of you. You are, after all, the Mommy.
This mindset switch will change the way you live your life, for the better.
Because in fact, your business depends on your life.
This means that we have to take care of ourselves – our health, our relationships, our finances AND our business. When I realized that my business was too young to take care of me, I decided to take care of it. That’s when I started investing my resources (time, money and energy) it both me and my biz, and that’s when my business really took off.
3 things to do this week to help you start living, so your business can too:
1. Get hustling on The One Big Thing
After building a super successful business, I can say that the one big thing that’s made the biggest difference is doing The One Big Thing. What I mean is, focus on the thing that is going to propel your business forward the most, and only that thing. If you want to get more clients, stop spending your time cleaning out the inbox before you go get more clients. First thing’s first.
2. Have a date with your money
The area that most people struggle with, when building a business, is finances. Most of us avoid them altogether, and we all know that nothing good comes from avoidance. Set an hour this week to have a “date” with your money. Put on some lipstick, get dressed up and just look. See what’s really going on with your finances, and craft a plan to move in the direction of your financial goals. All you have to do is start.
3. Take the weekend off
In order to have a healthy biz, you need to be healthy. You need your people. Go share some time with the people you love. Talk about something other than work. Play, eat, sleep. Just take one weekend off. Putting the focus on taking care of your life creates flow and ease, and takes the desperation out of your business. Hunger is good – starvation is not. It makes all the difference.
Nisha Moodley is a featured Business Matters Contributor and is fiercely dedicated to helping women entrepreneurs live their dream lifestyle. For more about her click here for her full bio and all of her articles! read more →
I have always been one of those people who said “I am not into networking”.
I thought that networking events, elevator pitches, and all that schmoozing reeked of cheesy inauthenticity. It felt fake; contrived; downright nauseating. And it was.
I felt so awkward and uncomfortable asking and answering the question, “what do you do?”, that the thought of it alone kept me at home. It tugged at my heart strings everytime I saw a woman reaching for her business card with that deer-in-the-headlights look, because I knew that feeling well, and it sounded something like, “here goes! I hope I don’t screw this up!”. Bad scene. So, networking wasn’t “my thing”.
Then, I learned the truth:
Networking is necessary to having a fulfilling, thriving business and social life.
The problem is not networking, the problem is how we approach it.
Networking should feel like elevating others and making new friends, because that’s what the focus of networking should be.
In his groundbreaking book, The Education of Millionaires, Michael Ellsberg interviews Elliott Bisnow, founder of Summit Series [from their website, www.summitseries.com: Summit Series engages the world's most dynamic dreamers and doers through events and initiatives designed to make the world a better place.] :
“Great networking is not about quid pro quo. It’s not a back-and-forth. It’s about give-give-give as much as you can, and if I see you succeed, I’m really happy. And, if I’m your friend, you’re going to pull me up with you. If you have everyone in your network asking ‘How can I help you? How can I help you? How can I help you?’ you’re going to go far in your life. If you’re genuine, and you want to help people – give, give, give – it comes back around.”
- Elliott Bisnow
Ellsberg also interviews Eben Pagan, a multi-millionaire and one of the world’s most well-known and respected marketing teachers:
“Leadership is like a fountain. Imagine the leaders are the water near the top, ready to burst out of the fountain. The water about to burst out is being pushed up by water below it. If you want to succeed, find leaders who are doing amazing things in the world, and push them up. Find powerful people and help them reach their goals. If you’re of service to them, they will be of service back”
- Eben Pagan
It is clear that the “can I pick your brain?” approach and the “would you be willing to mentor me?” request are not effective jumping off points in successful networking. That is gimme-gimme-gimme not give-give-give.
So how do you deepen a conversation at a networking event, conference or party? Ellsberg offers us 2 hot-ticket questions. Use these questions in an appropriate context (ie. ask about business at a business networking event, etc):
1. “What’s most exciting for you right now in your life/business?”
2. “What’s challenging for you in your life/business right now?
“These shouldn’t be the first words out of your mouth when you meet someone…You’ve got to have some trust and rapport going in the conversation first. But if you start peppering these questions in your conversations with new people you meet, and then honestly try to help them with whatever goals, aspirations, or challenges they mention in response, you’ll be amazed at the networking magic that occurs.”
- Michael Ellsberg
Listen. Be of service. See how you can contribute, and do.
Proven results:
After reading his book and learning from him directly, Michael invited me to a soirée where one of my big, and I mean BIG, internet idols was going to be. I have been reading her blog, buying her books and products, and being her Fan Girl for over a year.
And wow, did I want her mentorship. I wanted it badly!
But as I mentioned above, I knew that “would you be willing to mentor me?” would be creepy and selfish and totally uncool. So I checked my intentions at the door and decided to walk in with this attitude: It is an honor to me just to say hi and appreciate her for her work.
In to the party I walked and…there she was! My Fan Girl energy had me all aflutter, and I let it. I walked up and introduced myself: “Hi, I’m Nisha, I am soooo happy to meet you. I read your blog with dedication and I just have to say Thank You. A few months ago I implemented your [xyz tip] and it made a massive difference for me. I’m just so thrilled to meet you and give you my appreciation in person!”. And we were off. We talked for some time, and she invited me to tea.
During our conversation, I asked her about her current projects and she mentioned something that was challenging for her. So guess what? When I got home, I did some quick research on the topic she brought up, and emailed her an “unsolicited resource”.
Fast forward >>
We’re spending a week together in Hawaii in March. No joke. Is she my mentor? Sure. But mostly she’s my friend. We don’t have a formal arrangement (speaking once a month?), like I had secretly wished for, but we have so much more. I mean, we’re FRIENDS.
The Moral of the Story:
Show up.
Be yourself.
Be of service, for the sheer pleasure of it.
The rest will follow…
To your networking success,
Nisha
Nisha Moodley is a featured Business Matters Contributor and is fiercely dedicated to helping women entrepreneurs live their dream lifestyle. For more about her click here for her full bio and all of her articles! read more →
On the entrepreneurial path, most will at some point find ourselves in the ‘in between’ place – you’re building your business, but you still have your day job. Being in this place can feel like being in limbo; the desire to leave is strong and only getting stronger, but the bills need to get paid.
Many people in this position will begin to loathe their day job more and more, daydreaming of the better lifestyle and sense of fulfillment that will come with being our own boss. Many others actually like their day job, but find it increasingly difficult to concentrate. Very often, I speak with budding entrepreneurs who admit to “sneaking” a bit of their own business work in while they’re on the clock at their job, which leads to feelings of guilt. Another common experience is busting your booty big time to ‘make it happen’, only to find that you’re spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast. Wherever you find yourself in this conundrum, you’re probably feeling increasingly frustrated with being stuck in the ‘in-between’. Here’s what to do about it:
1. Think of your job as entrepreneurial training
I promise you, my dear, staying focused when you’re the ruler of your own day is much harder than staying focused when you have to get your work done by 5pm. Start thinking of your day job as entrepreneurial training and become the best apprentice ever. Seek and discover new ways to stay focused and increase your productivity, effectiveness and efficiency. Becoming a star employee will give you the skills to be a way better entrepreneur, and leave you feeling proud for putting in a good day’s work. You’ll be more effective in your business because of both.
2. Delight in being the ‘Sugar Mama’ for your biz
One day, a prospective client of mine said, “I’m not quitting my day job until it’s time – I don’t mind being the sugar mama to my business”. That’s when I knew I wanted to work with her. This do-whatever-it-takes attitude is a critical component of being a successful entrepreneur (or being successful at anything, really). Rather than begrudge having a day job, take delight in being able to provide for your future. Your day job will pay the bills and buy you a business coach. Your day job takes care of you and your business baby. Manage your money wisely, and for goodness sakes…
3. Be grateful!
Do you have any idea how many people would quite happily be in your position?! It is an absolute luxury to have a job AND the ability to pursue your dreams at the same time. Rather than focus on how frustrating it may feel to being in limbo, appreciate the gift of being able to be in this position. We are so fortunate. Start each morning with a serious dose of gratitude for your many blessings, including your job. Write down 5 things you’re grateful for about your job and take it to work in your pocket. If you don’t LOVE your job, you could be grateful for something as simple as the fact that your job puts food on your table.
4. Love what you do or do what you love
I believe that life is meant to be savored. If you’re going to keep your day job for a while, find ways to love it more. Perhaps you need a new plant in your office, some quite time at lunch or a stretch break. If you “hate” it and can’t bear to be there another day, spend the weekend finding yourself a new job. Do what you love or love what you do.
5. Have a plan, then chill the #$%* out!
It’s going to take you however long it takes you to build your business to the point that it’s sustainable (ie. it can support you without strain). As long as you have a plan (not just a wish, but a well mapped out plan), follow it and relax. If you don’t have a plan – no roadmap – no wonder you’re stressing, honey! Get some guidance and support and sketch out a solid plan for sustainability. I always say, we wouldn’t head into the woods with no map and no guide, so why try that with our business?
Nisha Moodley is a featured Business Matters Contributor and is fiercely dedicated to helping women entrepreneurs live their dream lifestyle. For more about her click here for her full bio and all of her articles! read more →
“I really want to be an entrepreneur. I want to help people and have the freedom that having my own business provides…but I have no idea what to focus on!”
Sound familiar?
Grab a glass of water.
I’m rolling my sleeves up.
You’ll find yourself in here somewhere…
So, Nisha, where do I start if I have no idea what to focus on?
There are a few things you can do to determine where to put your focus.
1) Survey some people in your life and ask them, “what do you most want to learn from me?”. Resist the urge to coach them into giving you the answer you want to hear. Just say thank you and take note.
2) Write down the answers to the following questions:
What do people thank me for?
What are people coming to me for already (in your business AND personal life)?
What have I had success with in my life?
What do I love to teach and talk about?
What will people pay for (people are already looking for it)? In other words, when people wake up in the morning and say “oh man, I am so frustrated with _______”, what is the blank you can fill in for them?
3) Sleep on it. Make a decision. Decide to try it out (wholeheartedly!) for a few months to see how it goes.
Yeah, but I’m multi-passionate. There are so many things I love – I don’t want to have to choose.
Darling, you are speaking my language. Me too. But here’s the thing…
You are one person. And each day you are given the same number of hours as the rest of us. And sleep is good.
A stove only has 4 burners. When you’re cooking, you have to manage your kitchen well, so you can produce a good meal, and that means understanding timing. You can’t do it all at once. I recommend the ’4 Burners Approach’ to life. What are the 4 things you can focus on?
When I started my business as a Health Coach and Emotional Eating Expert, I was also a jewelry designer, had a full-time job, was in a relationship, and placed a high level of importance on cooking and self-care. Something had to give. So jewelry design – which I LOVE – got taken off the stove. Instead, I chose to focus on (1) my business, (2) my job, (3) friends & family and health & self-care. That was it for now, and it was ok. When you get a handle on the things you have going on – on your 4 burners – you can decide if it’s time to integrate something new.
I want to be able to help everyone. I’m scared it will limit my ability to get clients.
Let’s be clear: an expert at everything is an expert at nothing. Before I chose a business focus, I was seeing everyone and their grandmother, and it was exhausting! I’d be researching foods for high cholesterol one day, and how to increase calcium the next. I felt pulled in every direction and wondered if I was really making a difference. On top of it all, it was a challenge to get clients. People seemed to want me to prove to them that it was a worthy investment. Ugh!
The truth is, when you have a clear focus, you’re seen as an expert and you can sharpen your knowledge on the subject you teach. It makes everything more fun. Your clients will trust you more and it will be easier to get clients, because they get to work with someone who knows their stuff.
But the thing I’m thinking of focusing on is something I haven’t handled in my life yet.
You have to have experience DOING what you teach.
Want to teach weight loss?…what’s your weight loss story?
Want to teach people to make 6-figures? You better be bringing in the dough.
Teaching kids to have a healthy lifestyle? How’s yours doing?
I once saw an episode of the TV show ‘Hoarders’ where the homeowner was an interior designer. Wow. If I was a prospective client and I knew that, I wouldn’t become a client.
Find something aligned with where you are now, that also creates a fire under your feet to keep walking the talk. Find something that makes you put your chin up and say “Yes! I can help with this”, with confidence.
Are you still a work in progress in this area? That’s ok! You will be able to lead people from where you’ve been to where you are. But get help – get a coach. Have someone hold you accountable to stay on track for yourself, so you can serve your clients with integrity. Put some skin in the game. Walk your talk.
This all sounds great, but I’m broke. I need money yesterday.
Please take a deep breath.
May I humbly suggest you get a job. I had a job for the first 2 years of my practice, and it was the best thing I could have done. Being an entrepreneur requires endurance. Building a thriving business requires sustainability.
Having endurance and being sustainable means recognizing that this is not a sprint. You’ll have moments of thrilling excitement and celebration; you’ll have moments of frustration and can-I-really-pull-this-off. To weather those challenging times, you need to have a solid foundation, which means handling your money, your health and your relationships. It means focusing on being a clear channel and a strong vessel. It means crafting your business with patience and care. Do what you need to do to build a foundation for success.
The world is waiting for you to unleash your magic. What will you be showing them? read more →