Have you noticed the following dilemma:

You will be out on a date, first or even second, with a guy and something in you knows you are not attracted to this man and all signs are pointing towards, he is simply not the “one”. However by the end of the date you have the guy begging to ask you out again.

OR

You will be out with a guy that is totally hot, and charming, and something in you shifts, and all signs in your body are pointing towards, he could be the “one”. However, at the end of the date he is not even asking for seconds, but is distant and ready to go.

What is up with that, why is it that when you want something it seems to move further away from you, but when you don’t it is right there for the taking?

Well there is a reaction that occurs inside your brain and body that energetically gets picked up by a man.

When we want something, like a man, something in our brains translates it as something impossible to have, because the very state of wanting is not having.

When you have something you don’t want it’s because you have it, and once you have it you’re bored.  Like a dress that has been worn. At one point you really wanted it, but once you wore it you were bored with it…right?

Therefore, the brain sends signals to the rest of your body saying I wish I could be with this person, and have this person in my life. Your subconscious begins to ask is he is out of my league, is he too good for me, or why would he ever like me? This energetically sends signals to the man of slight desperation or inauthenticity.

It isn’t that the guy thinks you’re not attractive, too intelligent for him, too old, or not his type. It is this non-spoken energetic exchange (aka vibes) that occurs making him not so interested.

A man wants a woman that can inspire him in every way, a woman that knows what she wants. So, when a slight hint of desperation is picked up he starts distancing himself from her.

You probably know exactly what I mean because it happens for women to, when he is a little too available it is not as inspiring for us women, and the interest levels go down.

So, the next question is how do you prevent your brain from going to a place of sending desperation signals, when you like someone?

The #1 way to have the man you want is:

Know that what you are ultimately looking for in someone is INSPIRATION. Think about a moment you were inspired and why? Write it down. Then, see if he fits the bill in terms of that kind of inspiration.

I know for me, what is inspiring is when someone in my presence is authentically themselves, no games, and no façade. It gives me goose bumps.

So, judge him by your inspiration meter. He may be hot and charming, and gets your libido going, but does he do it for you mentally? He may do it for you mentally but does he do it for you in terms of chemistry? Being in evaluation around how high your inspiration meter peaks will help you stay cool and calm, instead of your subconscious slipping into thoughts of “he is too good for me,” before you even know him.

Keep yourself  in a state of choosing him, instead of wondering if he will choose you and you will stay cool and calm, with a hint of butterflies, it will allow you to be authentic, which will attract him to you!

Kavita Jhaveri-Patel is a featured Love in Life contributor and relationship expert, who helps women at a breaking point in their relationships. For more about her click here for her full bio and all of her articles!

1.

It is not what is truth

We can feel a deep sadness but feel peace with that sadness (this is often not the case)

2. Use your emotions as your guide, when you are feeling funky, you are probably thinking funky

3. Look at what you are telling yourself asap. Write it out. Otherwise your jumping monkey brain will literally not be able to catch one of the 60,000 thoughts we have daily and you will not get a good read on what you are telling yourself; therefore you will be unable to grab that though and question it (and then look at the silliness of it)

4. Not taking your thoughts so seriously is a practice, you have practiced for a very long time taking thoughts seriously, you are learning something new.

You have now entered the Mental Gym

5. You must go almost every day to the ‘Gym’, if not every day to get stronger. You cannot expect to build biceps if you do not work them out.

There are many ways to work out your mind, perhaps write them all out and pick one every day.

Trust that if on one day you pick ‘meditate’, then meditate and if on another you pick ‘take a bath’ then do that

But also give yourself the freedom to choose what is best for you.

However not doing anything, is never best, remember that. Unless it is a conscious choice to simply just rest.

6. Love yourself. God has not abandon you. He lives in you. When you give yourself the love you desire, deserve and need, God will show up Full force in your life. Do not abandon yourself.

Indulging in the ego (fearful thinking), is how we abandon ourselves.

7. Claim what is you desire, and when you “think” that that is not what you desire, notice how you feel. What is the truth?

It will feel odd at first, you have never taken care of your desires in this way before. That’s ok. Expect that the more you claim what is yours, the more God will provide a gateway.

8. You will be scared that your desire may not happen, but would you rather be scared or depressed as your cells reject the lies your ego is telling you.  The fear is all based on the past. There is no way YOU can know what is in store for you. You create your life, but on Gods playing field. You can make almost anything happen, but you have chosen to do it consciously, which may take a bit more effort but all along the journey life will feel so much more enjoyable.

9. Life does not start after a boyfriend, husband, new job, new city, new wardrobe. Its now, it is 2012.

Claim your desire and do all that you can and God will do more then you could ever imagine.

Kelsea Brennan is a featured Love in Life contributor and daily motivator and inspiration to over hundreds of woman, Kelsea teaches that through love and faith you can change for your life for the better forever. For more about her click here for her full bio and all of her articles!

What if we had it all wrong?

What if anxiety isn’t the enemy?

What if anxiety is an expression of Love?

Anxiety. It moves in at the speed of light. And suddenly, your chest tightens, your breath shortens, and your mind begins to race. This feeling is the opposite of warm and fuzzy. You don’t want it there. You try to push it out. You try to stuff it down. You try to yell at it to move and go on it’s merry way. You try to meditate it away. You ask your crystals to take it away. Really, anything to stop this feeling.

Both you and I know that anxiety isn’t fun. It’s not something we talk about every day, although it’s something most of us experience quite often.

But listen, I want to pose a question to you: What if anxiety has your back? What if anxiety is beckoning you to hear it’s divine messages? What if anxiety is solely waiting for you to listen?

3 Steps to Hearing Anxiety’s Hidden Message:

1. Sit and breathe. Close your eyes, take a deep breath up from your pelvis, feel it move up to the crown of your head. Exhale from the top of your crown down to your pelvis.

2. Free write. In the midst of it feeling anxious, sit down and ask anxiety “What are you trying to tell me?” and just write. It is helpful to write out “Anxiety is trying to tell me” and finish the sentence.

3. Listen. Look at what anxiety is trying to tell you. You may be surprised at how loving and gentle it is once you open the dialogue.

Alison Leipzig is a featured Love in Life Contributor and her mission on this planet is to guide women to feel good in their bodies, and overcome negative body image and emotional eating For more about her click here for her full bio and all of her articles!

Below are three tools that can be done everyday to guide you in beginning to awaken your feminine energy and be in deeper connection and flow with yourself.

3 Tools to Awaken Your Feminine Energy:

1. Wake up with Ease and Grace

How we wake up in the morning is so important in setting our tone for the day.  Instead of bolting out of bed with the alarm clock, take some time for yourself in the morning.  This can be as short as 3 extra minutes of lying in bed and consciously connecting to your body and thoughts.  When we sleep our organs are also sleeping and resting so waking them up with ease helps our body to adjust to the day.  As you wake up, connect with your body, rub your hands over your body and touch yourself, consciously putting loving thoughts and energy into your body.  Direct your thoughts positively and in gratitude for yourself. This is waking up in a feminine way!

2. Shake those Hips and Dance!

One of the most essential keys in awakening our feminine energy is reconnecting to our body and particularly our lower belly and womb area, the source of our feminine energy.  If the energy in our lower belly does not move, we begin to disconnect from our bodies] body and feminine source.  When you begin to move your hips the energy naturally begins to awaken and flow as you ground in your body.

Find a special time each day for at least ten minutes to ground into your body.  You can begin by bringing your hands to your lower belly and remembering the powerful energy that sits there.  Put on your favorite music, create a beautiful setting and let your energy flow through circulating and moving your hips.  Try to release from any thoughts that restrict you. Wherever you are at, is ok.  If you are not comfortable with this immediately, it will become more natural as you practice more and more.

3. Just Breath…

For many of us we live very fast-paced lives, going from one thing to another with our minds either in the past or the future.  It is difficult to stay centered and in the present moment. However, it is when we are in the present moment that we are able to enter into the feminine space of being instead of doing.  Take some time to breath into the stillness and vastness of your lower belly. Placing your hands on your lower belly, simply breath, feeling your lower belly and attuning into your body. If you find it difficult to still your mind, consciously direct your thoughts to gratitude for the breath you take and the body that allows you to take it. Feel love pour from your hands into your lower belly.  For 3-5 minutes simply be with your breath and in the body, directing gratitude and love for just this moment.  This will only take a few minutes but has the ability to change your state in a moment and continue a journey of self-love.

These three simiple tools have done wonders for me in my life.  I have established a deeper connection to my body and to my being, resulting in greater love for myself as a woman.  These tools have enabled me to stay connected to myself throughout the day, enabling me to feel more positive, joyful and hormonious.  I wish for you to experience just the same, fully emobodied in your goergous self!

I will be hosting a Feminine Awakening workshop on relationships February 5-6th in Los Angeles. For more information and registration, go to www.feminineawakening.com

Reena Desai is a featured Love in Life Contributor and is a spiritual mentor, coach and visionary change agent. For more about her click here for her full bio and all of her articles!