Editors Note: As we all say goodbye to 2010 many of us are reflecting, learning to move on, and have to inevitably learn to grow up for 2011.  I know that this time of year always brings out a more introspective side to me and have found myself writing a lot in order to let go of things that didn’t work this past year as well as be grateful for the things that did.  So what are you committed to moving-on from in 2011?  Read this reflective article and share your thoughts below! ~Nitika~

In late October I was faced with a double dose of major change. My mom and I both moved, and it was her move that hit me hard and loud. We left my childhood home in 2002, after my parents divorced, so I wasn’t saying “goodbye” to the home I had known since I was two years old. But nonetheless, I was leaving the space that I had called my home base for eight years and the general geographical area I had lived in since the mid-1980s. In my lifetime, I had moved out, lived in different cities, and ventured abroad, and every time I would come back “home” and reassess what that concept meant for me as it transformed, sometimes painfully, over the years.

At 28 years old, I’m very conscious of this in-between location I inhabit. I think of myself as in between families, the one I was born into and the one I will create for myself when I get married and have my beautiful children. Even when I’ve put down roots and signed a lease in the past, it still felt temporary, like I knew it wasn’t going to be “home” in the way that I envisioned, in the way that I want it to be.

So with yet another move under my belt now I’ve been compelled in recent months, weeks, and days to address this growing pain of moving. Here’s what I’ve learned:

(1) “Leaving” and “forgetting” are not synonymous

Recently, we sold my piano. Well, it had been my mom’s piano too, and there was a shared history there. Much to my current dismay, I quit practicing the piano in sixth grade. It had been too many years since anyone had tickled those ivories. So I didn’t think I’d feel much of anything about any of it, but when we were going through the process of finding a buyer, I remember feeling an ache in my chest. I knew my mom was experiencing the same. Then she reminded me and herself that selling the piano didn’t mean we were selling the memory of what it meant to enjoy it, of what it meant for me to play proudly at my recital in fourth grade, and all those times before and after.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. Letting go means releasing the past to make room for everything that’s happening in the present. And, that’s good and right and honest.

(2) Feeling it all is more mature than pushing it down

During this recent round of reviewing, throwing out, organizing, and packing up the belongings of my life, I initially felt like I “should” be stronger than the tears that arrived frequently and without warning. I was disappointed in myself for not “toughening up.” I was sad and incredibly stagnant in my mood, in my behavior. Then I realized that “stagnant” was a negative word which I had used to describe the evolution when, in fact, what was happening was entirely understandable and healthy in light of the shift happening in and around me. So, I stopped judging myself, and I started to feel it all. I was angry, happy, resentful, depressed, frustrated, complacent, exhausted, and excited. I didn’t have to pretend anymore. I could just be exactly who I was in that moment, and it was spectacular.

I redefined “toughening up” for myself, and I’m stronger than ever.

(3) Moving can ground us

I used to think that every move I made in my 20’s would be one move closer to my home, the permanent home I dream of with my miraculous husband and family. It made sense, right? I was working toward my goal one step at a time. Eventually, I realized that in perceiving the situation in that way I actually was detracting from the beauty of today’s circumstance. I didn’t want to keep waiting, to keep inching ahead to this unforeseen time and place that would bring me joy. Wherever I go, there I am, and right now I want to be happy in my house, in my home, regardless of the address, who lives there with me, and how much the decor resembles Pottery Barn. I can root myself as soon as I choose to, and I don’t need to wait for that.

Moving is a universal life experience that resonates with nearly everyone. Whether you do it gracefully or uncomfortably, in peace or in strife, I suggest that you do it your way because that will be what you need. Pack up your “should” expectations and leave them at the curb. I’ll meet you in the U-Haul.