Editors Note:  Although I believe in being as polite as possible at all times, there came a time in my life where I realized my polite behavior was actually kind of self-deprecating!  I found that I wasn’t owning my worth, and strength and I was putting others needs before my own at ALL times.  This is a common habit for many women I know but today we can begin to STOP making unnecessary apologies and own our power! ~Nitika~

How often do we find ourselves saying “I’m sorry” for comments or situations which really don’t warrant it? The language of apologies has become so intertwined in our culture’s lexicon that it can feel like we’re walking on egg shells with each other, often overcompensating for potential mistakes or incorrectly perceived comments.

I started to become aware of how often I was inserting an “I’m sorry” into the conversation and the ways in which it was tugging me away from my daily goals of self-empowerment and authenticity. The more I watched my words, the more I realized there’s a lesson tucked in there about embracing our power (or not), and it’s underscoring the conversations we may not even realize we’re having.

(1) Stop devaluing yourself.

It took you two days instead of one to write back your friend about meeting for drinks. There was a typo in an email you sent to your colleague regarding an important memo. You accidentally grabbed your sister’s scarf from the taxi when you got out in a rush.

These are situations which often result in an “I’m sorry” woven into the follow up chat. But when we apologize for these circumstances then we’re essentially asking to be forgiven for being human. We may as well just say, “I’m sorry I’m not perfect.” I’m not encouraging you to not effectively address the above behaviors with the person in question, but we can select our vocabulary with more care. We all know that words have power so start to take note of how you are devaluing yourself and your efforts when you knock yourself down on the energetic ladder of unnecessary apologies.

(2) We don’t need to rationalize.

Some “I’m sorry” conversations don’t even happen out loud but rather in the round table of our minds. We may be expressing regret for not going to the gym consistently, not keeping in better touch with friends, eating too much dark chocolate late at night. You may be nodding your head in agreement when you realize that you’re actually creating a negative feedback loop of apologies if you’re always scraping at the bottom of these low energy apology monologues.

For instance, I may say to myself (yes, a chat between me and myself), “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the grocery store today to pick up fresh produce. But you know I got sidetracked when so-and-so called, and we ended up going to the movies. Granted, I did eat popcorn there which is such a far cry from green beans. Wow, I really should have stayed on task. How did I end up not going to buy fruit for the week? It’s like I don’t even know how to take care of myself.”

Why do we feel the need to rationalize our lives to ourselves? Imagine if the internal conversation shifted to, “Oh, I know I didn’t make it to the grocery store today, but so-and-so called, and he really wanted to go to a matinee. It sounded like a lot of fun so I hopped on-board that plan. We had a ball catching up, laughing, and splitting a deliciously salty snack. I rarely eat movie popcorn. It was yummy! I’ll swing by the supermarket tomorrow after work to pick up supplies for the week and grab an orange on my way to the office when I walk by the fruit stand at the corner of my block.”

Doesn’t that sound softer? More reasonable? More like the Love that you want to inhabit?

Why do we feel like we have to make excuses and apologize to ourselves for living in the flow of what is presented to us? If we choose our choices with more balance and understanding then the “I’m sorry” popcorn will become the “I’m having fun at the movies” popcorn, and we can de-stigmatize the shame of what we think it means to be who we are right now.

I’m not sorry to be me anymore. I make no apologies for this process and the evolution of my spirit. We can only do our best, and that will alter moment by moment. We can keep changing, and the language of growth is called Love.