“I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”- Brene Brown

Vulnerability is scary. To let your full self be seen isn’t an easy thing. It takes courage, compassion, and trust. A lot of us are so used to showing our “strong” face, telling everyone that life is great, when inside it feels like it’s all falling apart.

Growing up, a lot of us picked up the message that being vulnerable is weak and that to succeed in life, it’s imperative to forge ahead and work harder. But to “succeed” in love and relationships, showing all parts of ourselves, and opening up despite the possibility of getting hurt, is essential. As more people are talking about vulnerability, you may already intellectually know that it takes strength and courage, and isn’t something to that makes you weak. Maybe you truly desire to open yourself up and let yourself be vulnerable but there always seems to be something blocking you in the moment. If so, here are my six keys to allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

1. Set the Intention. Set the intention and desire to open yourself up more. Saying this to yourself will allow experiences and opportunities for you to choose to open up more which is exactly what you need.

2. Notice and Act.  Take note when you are being given the chance to show yourself more. When you notice it, take a deep breathe and relax into the moment, speak from your heart.

3. Be gentle. Be patient. Be gentle with yourself during the process of opening up more and know that your walls are there to protect you. Send your walls and defense mechanisms love and let them know that you are ready to show more of yourself. Again, only when you are ready.

4. Redefine Vulnerable. Write down how you honestly view people who let themselves be vulnerable. Do you see them as weak, soft, corny, strong, or sensitive? And then write down how you are now choosing to see vulnerability.

5. Vulnerability is a Gift. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you are giving those around you a precious gift. Know and trust that. It’s also a gift to yourself, as it is where you experience joy and love.

6. Permission Granted. Above all else, give yourself permission to be vulnerable.

As a woman with deep emotions, I know how scary it can be to open yourself up in intimate relationships, in friendships, and in groups. I used to think that what was going on inside of me was too much or too overwhelming for others, like it was a burden for them to witness. But I noticed two things. One, I noticed that when I allowed myself to be vulnerable, others were freed to express themselves, and they opened up to me. And secondly, I noticed that I felt like I was being given a gift when people opened up to me, why would they feel any differently when I let myself be vulnerable?

Tread slowly, trust yourself, and grant yourself to permission to experience life as it pulses through vulnerability.