The other day I was texting with a friend who was texting with her boyfriend.
She texted him “ I love you.” He responded “Thanks Babe”
They were working through a pretty big fight. There were harsh words exchanged and hurt hearts to heal. Everything was under wrath and watch. Including every text, and every response. And because “Thanks Babe” was not “You too,” she was hurt.
Yet had he responded “You too,” chances are more likely then not that it still wouldn’t have felt like enough.
Reason being; she was hurt. And she wanted to feel better. Yet the likely hood was not good that any two simple words via text message were going to ease her pain. At least they would not have for more then a few minutes or hours.
I am not a cynic, but I do deeply understand suffering. I know how the mind works in my own life, and I witness the workings of the mind in the lives of my friends and clients. When you have gone to the depths of despair you see what others who have not visited that region cannot.
The way she was reacting was textbook. Which in no way makes any situation less painful, but if understood it can make it easier to deal with.
Out of pain and hurt she wanted to grasp. To continue communicating, pushing the issue to get some relief. Yet in doing so she was getting not only further from peace but feeling emotionally further from him.
Being on the outside of any situation gives you a different perspective from those in it. Those on the outside see more logically, more clearly, and definitely with less attachment to any of it. A reason that when in despair it is often a good idea to call someone somewhat removed from the situation. She called me. Here is what I advised her to do when He doesn’t make you feel better.
1. Care for yourself. Tenderly Do something extra special in your time of sadness. Draw a bath. Take a nap. Drink some tea. Curl up and watch a movie. You won’t want to, but once you do, you will feel better.
Rather I have seen it too many times that women don’t sleep, can’t eat and drive themselves more into pain then the situation already had. Watch and witness this happening, and when you do make sure to eat (applesauce is always easy to take down) and get into bed and try, being the key word, to rest.Pause. Quick responses when it comes to arguing is rarely ever revered. In your moment of chaos, Stop. Turn off the phone and remove yourself from the situation at least for an hour. It will still be there for you to deal with when you return, with a clearer head and calmer thoughts.
2. Have a go-to friend that you trust. And then Listen to what they say! Remind yourself that in this moment you are crazy, and probably the last person you should take advice from. Do not act on your own accord without consulting a saner person. Chances are your plan of action will only make things worse.
3. Remember that it is not over until it’s over. So do not let your imagination take you to places you do not want to go. Get really conscious. Journal, track your thoughts and watch what you tell yourself. Your thoughts create your feelings, make sure you are thinking what feels good, no matter if you believe it or not.
About the Author
This article was written by life coach Kelsea Brennan. She's the woman that can get you to really shift your thoughts as long as you are ready to get to work. In her articles Kelsea aims to make living a life filled with happiness a completely attainable goal and she's excited to see all of you Bella Beauties filled with pure joy. Have a question for Kelsea? She would love to hear from you and get to know you better in the comments below! To learn more about Kelsea Brennan or to connect with her further, visit her Bella Life profile here.