The other day I was texting with a friend who was texting with her boyfriend.

She texted him “ I love you.”  He responded “Thanks Babe”

They were working through a pretty big fight. There were harsh words exchanged and hurt hearts to heal. Everything was under wrath and watch. Including every text, and every response. And because “Thanks Babe” was not “You too,” she was hurt.

Yet had he responded  “You too,” chances are more likely then not that it still wouldn’t have felt like enough.

Reason being; she was hurt. And she wanted to feel better. Yet the likely hood was not good that any two simple words via text message were going to ease her pain. At least they would not have for more then a few minutes or hours.

I am not a cynic, but I do deeply understand suffering. I know how the mind works in my own life, and I witness the workings of the mind in the lives of my friends and clients.   When you have gone to the depths of despair you see what others who have not visited that region cannot.

The way she was reacting was textbook. Which in no way makes any situation less painful, but if understood it can make it easier to deal with.

Out of pain and hurt she wanted to grasp. To continue communicating, pushing the issue to get some relief. Yet in doing so she was getting not only further from peace but feeling emotionally further from him.

Being on the outside of any situation gives you a different perspective from those in it. Those on the outside see more logically, more clearly, and definitely with less attachment to any of it. A reason that when in despair it is often a good idea to call someone somewhat removed from the situation. She called me. Here is what I advised her to do when He doesn’t make you feel better.

1. Care for yourself. Tenderly Do something extra special in your time of sadness. Draw a bath. Take a nap. Drink some tea. Curl up and watch a movie. You won’t want to, but once you do, you will feel better.

Rather I have seen it too many times that women don’t sleep, can’t eat and drive themselves more into pain then the situation already had. Watch and witness this happening, and when you do make sure to eat (applesauce is always easy to take down) and get into bed and try, being the key word, to rest.Pause. Quick responses when it comes to arguing is rarely ever revered. In your moment of chaos, Stop. Turn off the phone and remove yourself from the situation at least for an hour. It will still be there for you to deal with when you return, with a clearer head and calmer thoughts.

2. Have a go-to friend that you trust. And then Listen to what they say! Remind yourself that in this moment you are crazy, and probably the last person you should take advice from. Do not act on your own accord without consulting a saner person. Chances are your plan of action will only make things worse.

And Lastly

3.  Remember that it is not over until it’s over. So do not let your imagination take you to places you do not want to go. Get really conscious. Journal, track your thoughts and watch what you tell yourself. Your thoughts create your feelings, make sure you are thinking what feels good, no matter if you believe it or not.

About the Author


This article was written by life coach Kelsea Brennan. She's the woman that can get you to really shift your thoughts as long as you are ready to get to work. In her articles Kelsea aims to make living a life filled with happiness a completely attainable goal and she's excited to see all of you Bella Beauties filled with pure joy. Have a question for Kelsea? She would love to hear from you and get to know you better in the comments below! To learn more about Kelsea Brennan or to connect with her further, visit her Bella Life profile here.

10 Responses to What To Do When You’re Fighting with Him
  1. Especially in the heat of an argument, it can be hard to know just what to say or do. For both sides, it can feel that whatever was said was wrong. Or that you’re criticized for whatever you said, even if you did what you thought was the right thing to do Often, the best course of action is to give it some time. Let the emotions calm down on both sides. I have found that in mot of the fights I have gotten into with my wife, upon reflection, I could point to a number of decisions or mistakes that I made that made the fight worse. Apologizing for these, after you have both calmed down, can go a long way to resolving hurts and repairing the damage.

    Great post!

  2. I wish I had read this a week ago. I got into a huge fight with my fiancee and intead of us taking space we wre in each others faces. It lead to a 3 day fight, in which on the third day he kicked me out. Im currently living at my mom’s out of a suitcase and its been really tough. I tried to contact him but he deleted me from everything. My things are still at “our” place but all he wants is for me to move out. I have not spoken to him in 2 days, I dont know how long this will last. I really hope to find peace in this awful situation. I need to.

  3. Kathleen, I am so sorry. I feel your pain. If you like lets, talk. You can reach me at kelsea@alifebeyondwords.com. Hopefully I can shed some light on this situation.

    In the meantime pray, breathe and be so very gentle with yourself

    xo

  4. Grady, thanks so much for your enthusiasm and I am thrilled you are diggin’ this article!!

    Kathleen, I am sending you so much love and pray that you find peace in your situation. Reach out to Kelsea if you can, she is a wonderful and supportive woman that could help you find some peace in the midst of all of this.

    Love & Blessings,

    Nitika Chopra

  5. Thanks Grady! so great to hear from a man’s perspective


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